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by redfenix



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Loneliness, Masturbation in Shower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-12-14
Updated: 2002-12-14
Packaged: 2019-08-22 02:01:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16588628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redfenix/pseuds/redfenix





	Home

I stepped genially into the shower, my hand slapping against the tile wall to catch myself before I slipped on the water slickened tiles. The two showerheads spit out tepid water, and I reached between the jets to quickly slide the cold lever down lower, forcing hot scalding water to come cascading down onto my smooth skin.  
Steam rises, filling the shower stall, as I slide my entire body into the streams of water and force myself to not move a muscle as I adjust to the hot water. My skin flushed red from the heat and I sigh, hoping the pain would wash away my anger.  
Salty, hot tears coarse down my face and my vision blurs as emotion overtakes me. I cannot hold it back any longer.  
Anger at myself pours out of me, consuming me as it caused me to gasp for air as sobs rack through my body. Frustration mounts deep inside of me and before I realize it, my left hand has slid between my legs, making agonizingly slow circles.  
I force my face under a stream of water, hoping that by cleansing my face with the hot water, my soul will be cleansed as well. I gasp as my own fingers work slowly between heated flesh and am greeted with a mouthful of water.  
I sputtered slightly, raising my face from the streams and brace my right hand against the cool tiles, my left hand moving faster now, causing me to cry out slightly. I am determined now, speeding fast towards a goal that I only seem to be able to achieve by myself.  
When I’m with another, it’s never like this. The water is my friend, my confidant, keeping my secret tucked silently away in its core. It will never betray me, never let me down. Break my heart.  
It is soulless, in-human but alive and awake. It knows.  
It pools slightly in my cupped hand, lapping up against me, soothing me. Comforting me.  
My fingers yet again quicken their pace, and it keeps up gleefully.  
My happiness it’s only concern. It cares where others dismiss. It is nothing to anyone else, yet it is everything to me.  
My sighs reverberate off the black tiled shower walls and standing fully now, I lift my other hand from the wall and lay it casually on my breast. Cupping and molding the heated flesh. It knows the end is near and the pulsing of the water staccatos across my skin.  
Suddenly and inexplicably, strong arms slide around my waist as a firm body is pressed up to my back. Large, masculine hands cup over mine, making me maintain my pace. I am not surprised by this person. He is always here.  
He is mine.  
“Need some help?” James whispers in his sexy, throaty voice that makes my legs forget to support me. His voice alone normally makes me come.  
But not today.  
Frustration, at myself and everyone around me, is buried deep, making the job today, a task.  
I simply nod my head, no words are necessary between us from this point on. He knows exactly what I want and need. It’s always been that way; I’ve never had to tell him. It’s an instinct for him, something he just knows. And the reason I will never share him with anyone – ever.  
My mind is chaotic, filled with building fears. He reaches up with his free hand and lays my head back on his shoulder and my mind suddenly quiets. My thoughts focused solely on him.  
His other hand slides down to cover mine, but he doesn’t stop me. He urges my hand on, pinpointing the circles to one area so that I cry out again. My voice reverberating back to us in the small encased shower.  
The echo drives him further, fueling the fire I can feel erupting through his skin, burning against my back. He brushes my hand out of the way, almost brutally and pushes me so that I bend forward at the waist.  
I lift my hands so they rest against the tiles, taking most of my weight on them. Without warning, he plunges into me without regard to my comfort. I cry out as he enters me, more out of want than hurt.  
He does not hurt me.  
He never does.  
Ever could.  
And if he did, I would want it more.  
My hands slide slightly on the cool tiles as he pounds himself into me and I lean forward so that my cheek rests against the midnight black tiles. The cold surface of the tile quickly levels to the temperature of my skin.  
The first orgasm bursts through me, unexpected and certainly welcome. My muscles clench around him tightly and a low growl emits from his throat, and he continues to slide in and out of me, his determination fueled by my orgasm.  
Another orgasm bursts inside of me, then another and still yet another. My knees, no longer able to support me, give out and he quickly grasps my hips tighter, sustaining my weight easily in his hands.  
A growl, louder and more feral this time, fills the shower and he slams himself into me grinding his hips against me as he empties himself.  
Loud breathing fills the room and I struggle to catch my breath. I shift slightly and stand up glancing around to see that I am the only individual in the shower. The water cascades onto my skin, painful now because it is ice cold.  
I shiver as I reach over and turn the faucets to off, emptiness envelops me. A dull ache throbs between my legs, but it is not from him.  
He is gone.  
Forever.  
I was ignorant and I let him slip though my fingers.  
They tell me it was an accident, but I know better. The water called to him and he needed to listen.  
Whenever I am near water now, I think of him, he is part of it. I think what we once had.  
Of what will never be again.  
I reach up and turn on the water again; hoping James will find his way home.


End file.
